Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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