he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
