my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
