it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
