Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
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