how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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