He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
