Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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