This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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