Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
