He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
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