He had one of those small greek statue penises
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
