The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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