...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
