My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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