woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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