best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
