I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
