you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
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