Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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