This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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