There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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