so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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