he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
This house was built for laser tag.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
