i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
