I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
