Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
