I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize