we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
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