2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
We are all done wearing pants today
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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