Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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