I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
