If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
