i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
