When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
