Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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