someone threw a dead crab at me
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
