you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
