i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
