He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I want to be your penis for a week.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
