All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
