Umm I'm too high to move.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
