idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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