As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Terrible idea I love it
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
