I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
