I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
