I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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