I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
