If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
