In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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