listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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