I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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