Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
